I'm Sorry
by Akayume
Summary: Sango's thoughts come once she and Miroku have a fight and she has to decide her future
1. My Death Is Your Death

I'm Sorry 

Wait just one second...   
I don't get his problem. What is it? 

(flashback)  
"Why didn't you tell me that you were going to walk around the forest with Yuka?" 

"Well, how was I supposed to know you would become a volcano and explode?!" 

"You should know that she's only a one year old and could easily be killed by some demon walking around, about to strike!" 

I didn't get. There was nothing there. Inuyasha checked before I went walking. 

"Sango, you should know that she's our only child! But you go into the forest with her anyway and become easy targets with blood! What's your problem?" 

My problem? Ha! 

"Miroku..." 

"I'm not even going to listen to your excuse!" 

He then snatched my child, Yuka, out of my arms and went on his way.  
(end of flashback)

Who's Yuka?  
Well, she's Miroku and I's daughter. Yes, we are married. Yes, we went through "process." Yes, that was the most stupid yelling match he had just said in this idiotic flashback. 

OK, I just took Yuka out for a walk in the forest, but not before getting Inuyasha to sniff out any demons. Apparently, there weren't any demons here, so I decided to walk on, holding her in my arms. And after what seemed like hours, I went back to the camp, only to find Miroku in his coldest stare. Then he said, "Where have you been?"  
"In the forest. Why?"   
"You had Yuka?"   
"Well, duh!" 

That was when he exploded into a million fireballs. He kept saying, "How dare you put Yuka in any danger?!" or "What the heck were you thinking?" or "What if there were demons?" 

That's when the flashback came up. He exploded because I took Yuka for a walk. Is it the fact that she's our only child? Is it the fact he was going to die any minute now and that Yuka washis only hope? I don't know. 

(flashback)  
It was hard to get out of bed. And when she eventually did, she felt nauseous and became more nauseous when the smell of ramen filled the room. She rushed to the lake and threw up. Next thing she knew, Miroku screamed and tried to help her up, but that made Sango feel more nauseous. The next thing she knew, she was being checked by the doctor, asking what happened. 

Minutes later, the doctor came out, telling Miroku that Sango was pregnant. That made Sango faint and Miroku jump for joy before realizing what he was doing and stopped.  
(end flashback) 

I don't get. Kagome doesn't get it. Inuyasha doesn't get it. No one does. Except for Miroku himself. Whenever someone tried to ask what was wrong with him, he would just walk away. I get the feeling that the only one he actually likes is Yuka. I also get the feeling that he hates me more than Kikyo hates Kagome. Oh well. I'll just have to wait and see. 

?_? 

Dinnertime. The time I hated eversince Miroku and I had that yelling match. He wasn't eating his meat, just feeding Yuka with milk in a bottle from Kagome's time. When Yuka hiccuped, he got it out of her mouth and wiped her with a cloth made of some kind of material and then went to sleep, Yuka still in his arms. 

But when I went to the "tent" to my cot, I found Miroku sitting against the wall, still holding Yuka. He seemed to be ignoring me. Does he hate me? Does he not care for me? Oh, and by the way, why is he holding Yuka with his cursed hand? What's he trying to do, suck her in the air rip and blame me? 

Then I suddenly slipped out, "How much do you hate me?" 

He looked up and whispered something that I couldn't quite understand. When I asked if he could speak louder, he yelled, "A LOT, OK?" 

What? He... 

"HOW MUCH, MIROKU?" 

I suddenly noticed that Yuka had a face that signaled that she was going to cry, so I lowered my voice a little. 

"Answer that question..."   
"Haven't I already said the answer? Should I give you a translation? What I meant to say was, 'I hate you so much, that the universe couldn't hold it all!'" 

That did it. Yuka started crying. And from what he said, I wanted to hold and cry with her. 

?_? 

How could he do this? And just because I walked with Yuka in the forest! How foolish could he get? Well, that does it. If we have meat for dinner again, I'll find some way to kill him. Or better yet, kill ME. If he hates me, he must want me to die. He must want some demon to come and kill me. He must want Inuyasha to slam his claws into my heart and cause a bloody ending to happen. He must want me to drown in the lake. He must want to impale me with that staff of his. 

"Dinner is ready. Are you hungry, Sango?" 

I looked up to see Kagome standing there. 

"What are we having for dinner?"   
"Unfortunatly meat again." 

Good. I've got to ask some stupid question to start an idea here... 

"Did you use a knife to cut the meat?"   
"Yeah, and Inuyasha is complaining about him not cutting the meat up." 

Perfect. A knife, a complaining Inuyasha, meat for dinner, a crying Yuka, and a husband who hates me. A good excuse for drowning in the lake...or something else. 

"OK, I'll be right there." 

?_? 

Dinner went on without a word...well, except for Inuyasha's mumbling and bragging that "his claws were sharper than any knife from Kagome's time!" Miroku was feeding Yuka and Kagome was just chewing her meat. As for me, I was eating and planning at the same time. What should I do? I could have a slow death or a fast death. In slow death, Inuyasha would have time to smell blood and go there to the place I'm at. But it's a torturous way of dying. In fast death, no one would have time to come and see me die... 

"Kagome, can I see the knife you used to cut the meat?" 

Everyone looked up at me with curiosity, even Miroku was surprised. 

"Why do you want to see it?"   
"Because...I want to see what it looks like..."   
"Ohh...okay..." 

She reached into her bag and took out a very thin item that was covered in plastic. But before she could actually give it to me, I snatched it from her hand and ran off the the lake. Everyone just looked at me with surprise and curiosity, even Yuka looked at me without even realizing that milk with trailing down her face. 

When I reached a different lake (which seemed like it was five miles from camp), I took out the knife and slowly peeled at the plastic covering. When I finally took it off, what seemed like a miniature sword was in my hand. This was torture enough to look at the item that was going to kill me... 

Torture. 

I should do something in slow death. But what? I need to start thinking of what I read in Kagome's notes from when she watched the "Discovery Channel." 

Drowning. Burned at the stake. Impaled. Assassinated. Murdered. Natural causes. Slit neck. Slit wrists... 

Should I do...the...slit wrists? It's the slower version of the slit neck. And I can feel torture at each wound as my blood comes out of me. OK, fine then. 

As I held up my right wrist, I slowly slashed it with the blade and repeated it with the other. I watched sickly as my blood trailed down. And then, suddenly, I felt...dizzy. I collapsed on the cold, hard ground. The next thing I heard was a gasp and then running...toward me. Who's there? 

"Sango!" 

I know that voice... 

"M...m...Miroku..." 

I felt myself being picked up and held in his arms. He held my head to his chest and my bleeding wrists to his hands. 

"Why did you do this? Why?" 

Why the heck are you asking? Aren't you happy that I'm dying? 

"Y...you..." 

Why can't I say what I'm thinking? 

"What are you talking about?"   
"Y...you...you should...be happy...that I'm...dying..." 

Even with my blurry vision, I could see that tears were forming in his eyes. 

"Why should I be happy?" 

You should know! 

"You...said...you hated me...so much that...the universe couldn't hold it all..." 

I could see that he bowed his head in shame. 

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I didn't mean it like that...I was just angry... 

What are you talking about? 

"I'm sorry I ever got angry at you for walking in the forest with Yuka...if that didn't happen, you would still be at the camp feeding Yuka..."   
"What...are...you...saying?"   
"I love you...I love you...don't leave me!" 

Great, my husband says he loves me just when I'm about to die... 

"I..love you too...I'm sorry it had to be this way..." 

Just when I was about to put my hand on his cheek, all went black. 


	2. My Guilt Is My Guilt Alone

**NOTE**: I don't own Inuyasha...  
**SECOND NOTE**: Please review. I know I'm a bad writer, so just tell me what you think.  
**THIRD NOTE**: I'll correct every mistake here when I have the time. Just read...  


I'm Sorry Chapter 2 

I am Miroku, the worst husband in the universe. 

I'm the one that caused Sango to die. 

And I'm the one being imprisoned in guilt, loneliness, and sadness. 

Oh sure, I got what I wanted, an heir/heiress, but what's missing now is... 

...Her... 

Why did I have to get angry over nothing?   
All she did was walk in the forest with Yuka... 

...she got Inuyasha to sniff out any demons and other dangers... 

And yet she's still dead.   
And it's all my fault. 

As I lay in my cot, trying to sleep, I remember everything that happened the moment she took Kagome's knife and slit her wrists. 

_As she ran through the bushes, I let Kagome hold Yuka as I ran after Sango.  
Then she stopped at the river, giggling like she was drunk.  
Before I could ask her what she was doing,  
She took out the knife and then she looked like she was in thought.  
Then she slit her wrists as if to say, "I'm not me anymore. You here me?"  
Her blood started to leak out of her and before I knew it, she collapsed.  
I couldn't help but run over to her...  
I wanted to hold her wrists and stop the bleeding...  
And then make sure the wounds close...  
But no, she had already lost too much blood...  
After I asked her why she did this,  
She glared at me like I didn't know and said,  
"You said that you hated me so much, that the universe couldn't hold it all..."  
Then I finally confessed that I didn't mean it  
And that I loved her...  
And she told me that she loved me too...  
And then she said, "I'm sorry it had to be this way..."  
I could see that she was trying to touch my cheek...  
But then her hand fell and her body went cold...  
_

So now here I am, crying because of her death. 

As I turn, I see Yuka sleeping peacefully, with her "pacifier" that Kagome gave her. 

Yuka. 

She doesn't know Sango. She'll never know her...her own mother. 

And it's all my fault. 

I suddenly hear someone crying. It isn't coming from Yuka. I turned to see Inuyasha quite annoyed with all the noise. Kagome was writing in her diary. Then I realized that I was the one crying. 

How could I be so stupid as to let her go away like that, thinking that she was doing me a favor by removing herself from the face of the universe? 

"Miroku-sama? Why are you crying?" 

I saw Kagome standing over me. 

"It's nothing..."   
"I get the feeling that you want-"   
"You get the feeling that I want what? Do I want Sango? Do I want this feeling to go away? Do I want to go with her in death? What?!"   
"Sheesh, you don't have to be so loud..."   
"I'm not loud." 

Then a thought came into my mind. 

"Why did you let Sango get that knife? Did you WANT her to DIE?" 

"No, it's just-" 

"WHAT?!" 

That did it. Yuka started crying like she was in pain. 

As I picked her up to sooth her, she stopped crying and then her eyes were in full view. 

They were the exact same color as Sango's. 

Why haven't noticed? 

All of the sudden, I was in another place. It was a pink room. 

"Miroku. Are you okay?" 

I looked up...and saw Sango standing right there. 

"Sango! Are you-" 

"No, I am not alive." 

"Sango, please come back...I need you here..." 

"I've never heard you say stuff in that tone...but I can't come back. I'm sorry." 

"Why not?" 

"Yuka needs you. I can't just come back, because then it would be like neglecting her." 

"But-" 

"Everything will be okay. Trust me..." 

Then she disappeared, and her voice said, "I love you." 

I came back to hear Yuka crying louder. 

I held her tighter and that seemed comforting to her because she slowly stopped. 

Everything will be okay. 


	3. My Guilt Is My Guilt Alone

**NOTE**: I don't own Inuyasha...  
**SECOND NOTE**: Please review. I know I'm a bad writer, so just tell me what you think.  
**THIRD NOTE**: I'll correct every mistake here when I have the time. Just read...  


I'm Sorry Chapter 2 

I am Miroku, the worst husband in the universe. 

I'm the one that caused Sango to die. 

And I'm the one being imprisoned in guilt, loneliness, and sadness. 

Oh sure, I got what I wanted, an heir/heiress, but what's missing now is... 

...Her... 

Why did I have to get angry over nothing?   
All she did was walk in the forest with Yuka... 

...she got Inuyasha to sniff out any demons and other dangers... 

And yet she's still dead.   
And it's all my fault. 

As I lay in my cot, trying to sleep, I remember everything that happened the moment she took Kagome's knife and slit her wrists. 

_As she ran through the bushes, I let Kagome hold Yuka as I ran after Sango.  
Then she stopped at the river, giggling like she was drunk.  
Before I could ask her what she was doing,  
She took out the knife and then she looked like she was in thought.  
Then she slit her wrists as if to say, "I'm not me anymore. You hear me?"  
Her blood started to spill out of her and before I knew it, she collapsed.  
I couldn't help but run over to her...  
I wanted to hold her wrists and stop the bleeding...  
And then make sure the wounds close...  
But no, she had already lost too much blood...  
After I asked her why she did this,  
She glared at me like I didn't know and said,  
"You said that you hated me so much, that the universe couldn't hold it all..."  
Then I finally confessed that I didn't mean it  
And that I loved her...  
And she told me that she loved me too...  
And then she said, "I'm sorry it had to be this way..."  
I could see that she was trying to touch my cheek...  
But then her hand fell and her body went cold...  
_

So now here I am, crying because of her death. 

As I turn, I see Yuka sleeping peacefully, with her "pacifier" that Kagome gave her. 

Yuka. 

She doesn't know Sango. She'll never know her...her own mother. 

And it's all my fault. 

I suddenly hear someone crying. It isn't coming from Yuka. I turned to see Inuyasha quite annoyed with all the noise. Kagome was writing in her diary. Then I realized that I was the one crying. 

How could I be so stupid as to let her go away like that, thinking that she was doing me a favor by removing herself from the face of the universe? 

"Miroku-sama? Why are you crying?" 

I saw Kagome standing over me. 

"It's nothing..."   
"I get the feeling that you want-"   
"You get the feeling that I want what? Do I want Sango? Do I want this feeling to go away? Do I want to go with her in death? What?!"   
"Sheesh, you don't have to be so loud..."   
"I'm not loud." 

Then a thought came into my mind. 

"Why did you let Sango get that knife? Did you WANT her to DIE?" 

"No, it's just-" 

"WHAT?!" 

That did it. Yuka started crying like she was in pain. 

As I picked her up to sooth her, she stopped crying and then her eyes were in full view. 

They were the exact same color as Sango's. 

Why haven't noticed? 

All of the sudden, I was in another place. It was a pink room. 

"Miroku. Are you okay?" 

I looked up...and saw Sango standing right there. 

"Sango! Are you-" 

"No, I am not alive." 

"Sango, please come back...I need you here..." 

"I've never heard you say stuff in that tone...but I can't come back. I'm sorry." 

"Why not?" 

"Yuka needs you. I can't just come back, because then it would be like neglecting her." 

"But-" 

"Everything will be okay. Trust me..." 

Then she disappeared, and her voice said, "I love you." 

I came back to hear Yuka crying louder. 

I held her tighter and that seemed comforting to her because she slowly stopped. 

Everything will be okay. 


	4. Other Chapter Two

**NOTE**: I don't own Inuyasha...  
**SECOND NOTE**: Please review. I know I'm a bad writer, so just tell me what you think.  
**THIRD NOTE**: This would have happened if Miroku took action instead of watching Sango die. 

I'm Sorry Three 

The moment of truth has come for me and my former life. 

Wait...I hear something in the bushes... 

"Who's there?"   
"You can't do this to yourself, Sango! I won't let you!" 

What's he doing here? 

I saw his hand go near the knife I was holding, but before he could take it, I clutched it nearer to me. 

"Sango, just give me the knife." 

He was starting to move slowly, like I was some kind of monster who held something he valued. ' 

"Why should I?"   
"It's for your own good." 

What is he talking about? Does he really want me to live? 

"Sango, please." 

My hand that held the knife seemed to understand, because it started to move toward Miroku's hand, even though it was shaking. 

But then a thought hit me. Why does he want me to live? 

"Sango, just give me the knife. Everything will be okay."   
"Why do you want me to live?" 

He suddenly stopped what he was doing and stared at me. 

"Because, I...I-"   
"So it's all about you? What do you want?"   
"I want you to live!"   
"Why is it that you want me to live? So you can continue to yell at me? So you can scold me for walking in the forest with Yuka? So you can continue to say how much you hate me? What?!" 

He just stood there, staring at me.   
Then he said, "Is that what you think?" 

Well duh! 

"Sango, is that what you really think?"   
"You sure make it seem like you take your happiness in yelling at me...well that's going to stop! So what if I can't have the knife? I can use the land and water and I know where!" 

And without thinking, I threw the knife at Miroku, then ran.   
Behind me, I could hear Miroku's footsteps and his yelling, even though I couldn't hear what he was saying. 

Then I reached my destination: the waterfall.   
I looked down to see water and little dots: rocks. I would be lucky if they were sharp at the ends. 

I heard Miroku's footsteps come nearer, so I had to do it before he started yelling at me again. 

I jumped down from the edge. 

As I fell, I felt the water come to my face. As I came near the ending, I saw the rocks...they were sharp and looked like it could tear holes in my body. 

But before I could hit them, I felt something touch me on my sides. Then I was turned to lay on my back, and I was resting on something soft and warm. Then I felt myself being pushed to the side, still resting on the object. But the fall was too much for me, so... 

...I fainted... 

******************************** 

When I woke up, I found myself in my cot, with two blankets covering me. When I sat up, I felt a stinging pain in my insides. When I took off the blankets, I saw that I was heavily bandaged, and my head was bandaged to. 

"Sango." 

I looked to my side to see Miroku lying next to me. 

"Sango...are...you...okay?"   
"Yes...I'm okay." 

I looked further to see that his blanket was soaked with blood. 

"But the question is, are YOU okay?" 

He looked at the blood and said, "Yeah, I'm fine." 

Then I heard crying coming from outside. 

"Yuka, please stop crying, you're going to wake up your mother and father..." 

"It's okay, Kagome." 

I heard Kagome gasp and rush in. 

"Sango! Miroku! What, did a wound hurt you or something?"   
"No. Can I hold my child now?"   
"Oh? Are you sure?" 

Before I could answer her, I took Yuka in my arms and hushed her to sleep. 

Soon after, Kagome left when Inuyasha yelled at her for leaving the rest of dinner to rot. 

"Miroku, I-"   
"Don't say anything. I want to talk first." 

For some strange reason, I kept my mouth shut. 

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I didn't mean it...and I'm sorry for getting angry over nothing. Please forgive me." 

How could I not forgive him? 

"Yes, I forgive you...but I know that you-"   
"Sango, I don't hate you. I didn't mean what I said earlier..."   
"Then what did you mean?"   
"I guess I wasn't thinking. I love you, Sango." 

Why didn't you tell me this before? 

"I love you, too." 

Then he got up and went toward me. The pulled me gently and pressed his lips on mine. 

******************************** 


End file.
